Since December 10th, 2010, I have been writing and rewriting this blog over and over again in my head.
Nothing seems right.
I do not know where to begin...
The logical spot would be the beginning so I guess here goes nothin.
On September 12th, 2010 I laid my eyes on my future husband, Stephen Matthew Hull.
I happened to be on a friends facebook page checking out his new do and Stephen had just written on his wall.
He stood out to me.
So as any good facebook creeper would do, I clicked on his profile. He was literally the picture of perfection. A crazy blond haired blue eyed man that had personality oozing out of every picture I laid my eyes on.
I did something I never ever do.
I added him.
Someone I didn't know at all.
Friendship Request Pending.
The night went on and as I drove home I got a notification sent to my phone that he had added me!
I went to check out his profile, dying to know what he had next to "relationship" and "religion", only to see that he had already deleted me!
What the?!
So again, I did something out of my ordinary and I messaged him:
hey man..sorry for the random add. saw you write on my friends wall and i couldnt help but add you. buuut i see youve deleted me already baha oh well..have a good night.
ajs.
ajs.
And so the conversation began and went until 3:55 a.m.
I text a friend the next day and said, "I don't mean to alarm you but, I found my future husband."
1 week later Stephen drove 6 hours to surprise me at my house.
As I walked out to greet him I thought to myself, "I am walking to meet my future husband for the first time right now."
And there he was.
The picture of perfection was now standing right in front of me!
I could of thrown up or peed my pants at this point...but I figured he might think that was weird so I kept my cool.
The night was perfect.
We had the most amazing talk on the top of a dirt mound overlooking the Crystal Lake quarry.
I was in love.
Later that night, on September 21, 2010, he asked me to be his girlfriend:
Stephen: I think I would really like it if you were my girlfriend.
Amanda: Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?
Stephen: No, I'm just making a statement.
Amanda: Oh, well, I would really like to be your girlfriend too.
Stephen: You would?!
Amanda: Yes duh!
*silence*
Stephen: Amanda, will you be my girlfriend?
Amanda: I would love to be your girlfriend.
Stephen: For real?! Like for real for real?!
Amanda: Yes!
Oh man...That man has made me laugh from day one.
We had waited for each other forever and we had both lost hope in the fact that that "perfect someone" was still out there.
God knew.
Fast forward through many visits back and forth and a couple tours.
December 10th, 2010.
We had just gotten home from a night out with a couple friends. I hadn't been feeling so hot that day and Stephen suggested that I take a pregnancy test.
I laughed...and then thought about it more.
So off we went to go purchase the infamous hot pink box.
"Why do they have to package it in such a bright color??" I thought to myself as I stood in line with the rest of Woodstock who apparently all had to go shopping at like 2 in the morning.
So we opted out of the line and went to Walgreens instead.
Now, to be honest, I have unfortunately taken a few other pregnancy tests in my day, but this one was different.
As I waited and watched I thought to myself how sad I would actually be if I wasn't pregnant. All of the previous ones were met with a prayer against that double line, but this time I wanted it.
And there it was.
I was so overwhelmed with joy...and shock.
I remember looking at myself in the mirror with one hand holding the test and the other covering my mouth in complete surprise.
The walk from the bathroom to my room seemed like miles.
As I entered I just said..."Babe..."
I shut the door and came around the corner of my room to an eager Stephen. He had such a big smile on his face.
"We're pregnant." (I said this about 50 million more times that night.)
Stephen replied "No way!" as he grabbed the test out of my hand.
My room filled with joy and nervous/excited laughter as we studied the test as if that second line was a mirage.
We prayed a lot that night.
A prayer filled with apologies and thankfulness.
The rest of that month was a blur.
We waited to tell our parents until after Christmas. We figured that time of year is stressful enough so we saved our big news for after.
Our parents could not have taken it any better.
The grace and mercy we were met with still blows my mind.
Stephen and I are truly blessed by the love and support we have from our families and close friends.
I am now 5 months pregnant.
The feeling is indescribable.
The love I have for this unborn baby girl is nothing I have ever felt before.
Suddenly getting my nails done and going tanning aren't as important as they once were.
My vocabulary is changing to a more pg rating to prepare for little ears.
The biggest change is in my heart.
I have had many talks with my Heavenly Father. Some good and some not so.
You see, the stress of having a baby is a lot to begin with but the stress of then losing my job with no real prospects is a bit much for my hormonal heart to handle.
The most recent conversation went a lot like this, "I'm sorry I'm so dumb."
With every new let down I had been questioning God and His plan.
I had forgotten how much He truly loves me.
How much He truly loves His beautiful creation that He has entrusted Stephen and I with.
I haven't been to church in a while.
You try going to church with a baby bump and no ring on your finger and see how comfortable you feel.
This truly is not a great reflection on my church family. Most of them have been amazing. It is my heart that is feeling the shame.
To the people who have greeted us and our baby with judgment we simply tell them something like this:
We know that what we did was sin. I have a growing baby bump to remind me of that and I do not need you to remind me. The joy we have about this new life is not to be seen as us dismissing the sin, it is simply the joy we have for the miracle that is growing whether you like it or not. And to be honest, we like it. We love it...We love her. So the next time you want to come at us with judgment you just think about what your baby bump would be.
You try living life with a shirt on that lists your biggest sin.
You see, it is all too easy for people who are not pregnant to point the finger because their sin is easy to hide.
Their sin isn't growing and protruding from their midsection.
Could you imagine walking around with a shirt on that says, "I watch porn." or "I talk about my friends behind their backs." or "I do drugs."
The list is endless.
So please, before you start judging think about your own "baby bump".
This is not to say that we expect everyone to be overjoyed at first. Obviously a little truth in love is always needed.
It is the truth without love that is not needed...by anyone.
Life can look very grim when I forget Who is in charge.
Thankfully I have a wonderful man in my life who reminds me very often Who in fact is taking care of us.
The blessings in my life outweigh the negatives by the thousands.
I am having a beautiful baby girl with the man that I am so madly in love with.
It doesn't get any better then that.
It seems silly to just tell him that I love him because it is so much more then those three words will ever describe.
God is so so good.
I have truly never been happier.
Completely broken...Completely content.
So that is our story in a nutshell. Stay posted for more baby updates and such.
August 20th, 2011 is sure to be a great day ; )
I text a friend the next day and said, "I don't mean to alarm you but, I found my future husband."
1 week later Stephen drove 6 hours to surprise me at my house.
As I walked out to greet him I thought to myself, "I am walking to meet my future husband for the first time right now."
And there he was.
The picture of perfection was now standing right in front of me!
I could of thrown up or peed my pants at this point...but I figured he might think that was weird so I kept my cool.
The night was perfect.
We had the most amazing talk on the top of a dirt mound overlooking the Crystal Lake quarry.
I was in love.
Later that night, on September 21, 2010, he asked me to be his girlfriend:
Stephen: I think I would really like it if you were my girlfriend.
Amanda: Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?
Stephen: No, I'm just making a statement.
Amanda: Oh, well, I would really like to be your girlfriend too.
Stephen: You would?!
Amanda: Yes duh!
*silence*
Stephen: Amanda, will you be my girlfriend?
Amanda: I would love to be your girlfriend.
Stephen: For real?! Like for real for real?!
Amanda: Yes!
Oh man...That man has made me laugh from day one.
We had waited for each other forever and we had both lost hope in the fact that that "perfect someone" was still out there.
God knew.
Fast forward through many visits back and forth and a couple tours.
December 10th, 2010.
We had just gotten home from a night out with a couple friends. I hadn't been feeling so hot that day and Stephen suggested that I take a pregnancy test.
I laughed...and then thought about it more.
So off we went to go purchase the infamous hot pink box.
"Why do they have to package it in such a bright color??" I thought to myself as I stood in line with the rest of Woodstock who apparently all had to go shopping at like 2 in the morning.
So we opted out of the line and went to Walgreens instead.
Now, to be honest, I have unfortunately taken a few other pregnancy tests in my day, but this one was different.
As I waited and watched I thought to myself how sad I would actually be if I wasn't pregnant. All of the previous ones were met with a prayer against that double line, but this time I wanted it.
And there it was.
I was so overwhelmed with joy...and shock.
I remember looking at myself in the mirror with one hand holding the test and the other covering my mouth in complete surprise.
The walk from the bathroom to my room seemed like miles.
As I entered I just said..."Babe..."
I shut the door and came around the corner of my room to an eager Stephen. He had such a big smile on his face.
"We're pregnant." (I said this about 50 million more times that night.)
Stephen replied "No way!" as he grabbed the test out of my hand.
My room filled with joy and nervous/excited laughter as we studied the test as if that second line was a mirage.
We prayed a lot that night.
A prayer filled with apologies and thankfulness.
The rest of that month was a blur.
We waited to tell our parents until after Christmas. We figured that time of year is stressful enough so we saved our big news for after.
Our parents could not have taken it any better.
The grace and mercy we were met with still blows my mind.
Stephen and I are truly blessed by the love and support we have from our families and close friends.
I am now 5 months pregnant.
The feeling is indescribable.
The love I have for this unborn baby girl is nothing I have ever felt before.
Suddenly getting my nails done and going tanning aren't as important as they once were.
My vocabulary is changing to a more pg rating to prepare for little ears.
The biggest change is in my heart.
I have had many talks with my Heavenly Father. Some good and some not so.
You see, the stress of having a baby is a lot to begin with but the stress of then losing my job with no real prospects is a bit much for my hormonal heart to handle.
The most recent conversation went a lot like this, "I'm sorry I'm so dumb."
With every new let down I had been questioning God and His plan.
I had forgotten how much He truly loves me.
How much He truly loves His beautiful creation that He has entrusted Stephen and I with.
I haven't been to church in a while.
You try going to church with a baby bump and no ring on your finger and see how comfortable you feel.
This truly is not a great reflection on my church family. Most of them have been amazing. It is my heart that is feeling the shame.
To the people who have greeted us and our baby with judgment we simply tell them something like this:
We know that what we did was sin. I have a growing baby bump to remind me of that and I do not need you to remind me. The joy we have about this new life is not to be seen as us dismissing the sin, it is simply the joy we have for the miracle that is growing whether you like it or not. And to be honest, we like it. We love it...We love her. So the next time you want to come at us with judgment you just think about what your baby bump would be.
You try living life with a shirt on that lists your biggest sin.
You see, it is all too easy for people who are not pregnant to point the finger because their sin is easy to hide.
Their sin isn't growing and protruding from their midsection.
Could you imagine walking around with a shirt on that says, "I watch porn." or "I talk about my friends behind their backs." or "I do drugs."
The list is endless.
So please, before you start judging think about your own "baby bump".
This is not to say that we expect everyone to be overjoyed at first. Obviously a little truth in love is always needed.
It is the truth without love that is not needed...by anyone.
Life can look very grim when I forget Who is in charge.
Thankfully I have a wonderful man in my life who reminds me very often Who in fact is taking care of us.
The blessings in my life outweigh the negatives by the thousands.
I am having a beautiful baby girl with the man that I am so madly in love with.
It doesn't get any better then that.
It seems silly to just tell him that I love him because it is so much more then those three words will ever describe.
God is so so good.
I have truly never been happier.
Completely broken...Completely content.
So that is our story in a nutshell. Stay posted for more baby updates and such.
August 20th, 2011 is sure to be a great day ; )
