well don't I feel silly...

In 4 blogs I forgot my creator.
In 2 blogs I lost the man I fell in love with.

sigh...well don't I feel silly..

Why is it that when my life is going awesome, or at least when I think it's going awesome, I just assume that it is how God wants it to be going?

Why is it that when it all came crashing down I forgot Who is in control?

Why do I worry?

Why do I waste my time worrying about things that I can not change?

Why do I constantly waste my time doing everything except what I am actually here to do?

Why do I forget to enjoy my Creator?

At the end of the day, if I did anything but enjoy God, I completely missed the point.

You see there are many reasons why my plans fail...mainly because they are MY plans.

When will I learn that I have no idea what I am doing? When will I learn that God's way is ALWAYS the best way? It's easy to think that when things are going my way because, well like I said, I just assume that God and I are on the same page.

When I do things my way, whether it is out of disobedience or ignorance, it is literally ALWAYS an epic fail. On so many levels.

You see when we do things our way we are not the only ones affected when it all comes crashing down. And it will come crashing down. And there is nothing you can do about it.

Nothing.

Trust me.

Nothing.

You see because God's plan is ALWAYS better.

Yes, even the brokenness He sends my way.

Because it is in the brokenness where I learn the most about myself, where I learn to grow stronger so that maybe, just maybe, I wont continue to get back up and do the same thing over and over again.

And here's the beauty in all of this:

Grace.

Breathe it in.

Beautiful, sweet, unending, incomprehensible grace.

Free.

....what?! Free?

Yeah. Free.

You just have to accept it.

And here is the tricky part. I know it may sound easy to accept grace, but for me, it is not.

I constantly find myself doing what the devil wants me to do; beating myself up.

You see last year around this time I was in a similar situation. Single.

I now have a choice. Do I do what I did last year and go down the always "fun" but never actually fun road? Or do I worship the God who gives but inevitably takes away?

Do I pretend like this didn't hurt? Or do I accept the pain as beautiful?

Do I pretend like it wasn't love? Or do I accept the loss?

Do I hide the tears for only my own pillow to soak up? Or do I cling to the tear covered cross?

Do I let satan win? Or do I accept that God knows best?

Do I put up walls? Or do I get excited for my future?

Cuz here's the situation, God knows my hopes and dreams. He knows that all I want is to be a wife and a mother. He knows. And here's the deal, that might not be the path He needs me to take.

I need to be okay with that.

I am not here to be a wife. I am not here to be a mother.

I am here to enjoy my Creator.

God understands loss. He understands a broken heart. God can handle whatever we need to lay at His feet; which needs to be everything.

God hates a wishy washy person. (Revelation 3:15-16)

Pick a side!

It's all or nothing.

I choose the road less traveled.

I know who wins in the end. :)

But until that day comes I just have to remember to breathe and enjoy my Creator.

That's it.

In both the highs and the lows.

I just have to keep breathing and enjoy my Creator.

Join me, won't you?

It's not easy.

But it is best.

So today I will consider it pure joy while I face these trials. (James 1:2)

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)