This just in: rear view mirrors are totally unnecessary. who knew?

As I drove home from the city last night I found myself getting extremely distracted by what was in my rear view mirror. When I came back to the reality that I was still moving forward at a steady pace (I may or may not have been speeding) the thought occurred to me that this is much like life.

So often I find myself haunted by what is in my past. I find myself staring at it so much so that I completely forget about the present.

I forget that I am still moving forward.

Sometimes I focus so much on my past because I don't want to go back to the way I was that I miss countless opportunities in my present.

Or worse..my past becomes my present...again.

I am sure I am not alone in this vicious cycle.

And if I am..well..then you all need to stop lying to yourselves and join me in this fight (or more surrender) against the past.

Growing up in a Christian home and going to Sunday school and youth group my whole life, and not to mention my k-12 Christian education, I could not help but think about the story of Lot..well, more of Lot's wife.

Her human nature took over and killed her.

For those of you who don't know this story allow me to sum it up for you.

Genesis 19

Lot and his family (wife and 2 daughters) lived in a town called Sodom.
Sodom, along with the neighboring community of Gomorrah, were wicked.
The level of wickedness, I can not comprehend.
God sends two angels to destroy everything...yes, everything.
Lot and his family are spared if they run...and more importantly if they do not look back.
Wife looks back...dead.

I urge you to actually go read this passage for waaaaay more details that I will most likely discuss in my next blog. It's a fairly short chapter so please please go read it.

Genesis 19:17b (Angels speaking to Lot and his family.)

"Flee for your lives! Don't look back, and don't stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!"

What I find so interesting about this urgent command from the angels is the "don't stop anywhere in the plain!" part.

The human (annoying) nature in me goes, "but why?"

I'm far enough away aren't I? I'm not in the city any more.

I'm not doing drugs any more but I hang out with my friends who still do. So what if I take a couple hits?

I'm not having sex with my boyfriend any more but we mess around still because, well, we're "in love".

I'm not getting drunk any more but I can't just order coke..my friends will make fun of me.

I'm not going to strip clubs any more but I look at porn from time to time..I'm horny and no one has to know.

We constantly put ourselves out on this tight rope of temptation because we have somehow convinced ourselves that we will not fall into the pit hole of sin again.

You will fall.

Every time.

We also convince ourselves that there are certain sins that are worse then others.

When I (often) find myself debating back and fourth between the devil on my shoulder and the Holy Spirit in my heart, I find myself asking one question;

"Who will my decision bring happiness to?"

The thought of disappointing God is troubling enough but thinking that I have somehow made satan happy makes me sick.

When I think about how many times I have let satan think he is winning it makes me that more bold in my love for Jesus.

In my research in the story of Lot I happened upon a verse in Luke. I am sure most of you have heard Luke 17:33,

"Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it."

But the verse that has made the biggest impact on me today is the verse directly before it, Luke 17:32..it's just three simple words.

Remember
Lot's
Wife
!

Stop looking in your rear view mirror (this is clearly metaphorical..please use your actual rear view mirror..it saves lives. :)

Let go of the pain and regret from your past that is paralyzing you to the point where you are just going through the motions in the present.

Remember the lessons from your past mistakes but stop reliving everything you could of done differently.

Move on.

Let it go.

Live in the present and look forward to the future God so desperately wants for you.

Stop missing out on what God needs you for today because you are so stuck on the missed opportunities in your past. For your present will soon be your past so stop adding to the list of regrets.

"Let God plunder the enemy by bringing so much good from the bad, satan with regret ever taking us to the wilderness of sin. What divine vengeance occurs when we let God use our past failures to humble us, refine us, and use us all the more effectively."
- Beth Moore.

God, if I am in Your way, move me..

So this past Sunday night I strolled on down to hipster town USA (wicker park) to check out a band called "Fun" (seriously, that's their name and it's true)

On the ride down with two of the coolest people on the planet, Eric; the genius that he is; popped in the new Norma Jean CD...so good.

You see I was having one of those days. You know the ones, where the scariest of thoughts seem to creep so far into your brain that it makes your heart hurt. The ones that take an immense amount of prayer and truth to end what seems like a never ending panic attack.

Earlier that day I was having lunch at my second family's home. Britt and I got on the topic of people from our old youth group and we started to discuss where everyone was and what they were doing.

They all seem to be married.

They all seem to be put together.

This is when the thoughts started to creep into my head.

I was supposed to be married by now. I was supposed to be one of the first and now I am seemingly going to be one of the last. I was supposed to be all settled into an amazing life that would make me seem all put together as well.

But here I am at age 23 (almost 24) living with my Dad, unemployed (ish), no car, debt...single.

I am exactly where God wants me..no, needs me, to be.

When E&B invited me down to the city I was a little reluctant. I was just not in the mood to be in an all couples situation but Britt assured me that it wasn't going to be like that. She is super good at helping me out of my slumps. It's always nice to have a 2 decade old friend who knows exactly what I need in order to get back to the truth.

Fast forward to us trying to find parking remotely close to where we needed to be in the city.

We finally found one because Britt noticed a guy pulling out of his cramped spot, so we took it. Eric and I hopped out to direct Britt into the tight squeeze.

She parked it like a champ. We hid our valuables. Locked up. And we started to walk.

We went the wrong way..of course. So we had to turn around and walk passed the car again.

There was a guy walking passed the car as we came upon it so Britt, being the funny girl she is, hit the lock button a couple more times to scare the innocent pedestrian.

We laughed.

The walk to the hipster party wasn't that bad. Britt and I were already complaining of knee problems. Eric had found some free garbage. The walk was a success.

And then we turned onto the street full of hipsters and it hit me. This is what I prayed,

"God, You need to show up tonight."

I have no idea where it came from. But there I was in the middle of a hot sticky hipster nation praying for God to show up. And then this prayer came out,

"God, if I am in Your way, move me. I don't want to stop what You're going to do tonight."

As we weaved our way through the crowd to find Fun (haha the band.) I just continued with my simple prayer asking (sometimes it felt like i was telling more then asking) God to show up.

Needless to say I kept my eyes pealed for anything God might need me to see that night.

As I watched the crowd it struck me that it could be possible that none of them knew that God loves them. I was overwhelmed with the idea that someone that night might want to take their own life because they felt like no one loves them.

"God, You need to show up tonight."

The show ended and the cracked out crowd dispersed.

We strolled on over with some friends to get some food and we parked our tushes on the curb to eat and talk. (and I continued to people watch.)

Chicago is full of the most interesting people..I love it.

I made a couple new friends that night so to me it was a success.

We finished up and started our stroll back to the car.

Eric asked us if we wanted to take the long safer way or the short sketchier way. I told him I trusted his ninja skills and we continued down the road less traveled. Britt started to tell us stories about when she lived in the city she would walk in the middle of the street at night because that way people in the houses couldn't just grab her. To which I responded, "Yes, because people in big creepy vans can't reach you in the middle of the street."

We had a good laugh about that one and then we were back at the car.

Britt unlocked the car and hopped in to back out. Eric and I stayed outside, joking about something immature I'm sure, to help Britt not hit the other cars.

And then it happened.

"Babe, your GPS is gone..." Britt reluctantly said from inside the car.

Our joking came to a screeching halt as the reality kicked in that her car had been broken into.

I whipped open the back door and for some reason my new boots were my first thought...

They were there! Phew!

And then my eyes slowly turned toward the spot I had hidden my purse. I lifted up the pile of clothes I had buried it under.

Gone.

I am sure that at this point I let out a few choice words.

My soc card was my first thought.

Yes I knowwww it's not smart to carry that sucker on you. Anyone who finds out that I carry it on me always gives me the lecture on it. I joke about it all the time saying that anyone is more then welcome to steel my identity. "Pay off my debt while you're at it sucker!" I would jokingly reply.

Oh irony.

"Oh phew!!"

I turned to see Eric holding high the Norma Jean CD.

It was just the comedic relief we needed. I started to laugh uncontrollably. You know the "laugh to keep from crying" laugh.

As I dialed 911 I noticed a man on the corner who was half watching us. I have no clue where he came from. I started to look to see if any of those police cameras were on the corners...

None.

The man asked if we were okay and I had a short conversation with him. He pointed out that there was a camera on the side of the building.

Pointed directly at Britt's car.

I continued to talk to the 911 dispatcher who was zero help and the man was gone.

While on hold thoughts of what was in my purse started popping into my head and it hit me..

My Bible.

More choice words started to flow.

Take my soc but don't take my Bible!

So after being patched through twice to a recording system via the 911 dispatcher, who I lovingly referred to as a dumbass not realizing she was still on the line (whoops) and Britt asking random people if they knew the owner to the building with the camera we decided to just get in the car and leave.

As I started to get in to Britt's car I heard someone say, "There's a police car, do you want me to flag him down?"

I looked to see that same man again. From no where he showed up exactly when we needed him..curious.

The police stopped and to our surprise we got the nicest police officers everrrr.

While filing the report we continued to try and find silver lining after silver lining. If I was a pessimist I don't even know what I would do with myself.

"Yes! They didn't take my tootsie pops!!" Eric exclaimed from the passenger side door.

"Well the good news is they didn't steel our sense of humor!" I replied.

I could go on and on about the many jokes that have come out from this night. While filing a police report I laughed so hard I cried.

I am sure I looked like a little lost puppy dog as I described what my Bible looked like to the seemingly confused police officer.

"Are you being serious?" He asked.

While driving home and still laughing about the ridiculousness it hit me.

Is this what God was preparing me for tonight?

The fact that BOTH of my purses, one carrying my Bible and the other carrying my copy of Crazy Love, got yoinked is a bit odd to me. Not to mention that Britt's purse, which is much nicer then both of mine combined, was untouched. (among everything else Britt didn't get stolen haha.)

I shared my thoughts with the two goobers in the front to which Eric replied, "Hey leave me out of this!" (sorry your GPS got stolen in order to further the kingdom, E.)

As I look back on this entire day I am struck with many feelings. When the feeling of overwhelming disappointment about my Bible being stolen starts to creep into my brain I am at peace when I remember Who is in control.

God knew that my purse would be stolen that night. He knows and loves the thieves (my guess is 2 people...Eric and I have our theories.) right where they are at.

I do not know if I will ever hear the outcome of this section of God's story. I do not know if my chapter will ever intersect again with the person who took my purse. But what I do know is that God needed me to let go of my purse that night. I don't know why and that's okay.

That is why He is God and I am not.

"Never underestimate my Jesus. You're telling me that there's no hope. I'm telling you, you're wrong."
-RK

My God works in mysterious, and many times, inconvenient ways. Who am I to get in His way?


"God, if I am in Your way, move me. I don't want to stop what You're going to do tonight."